single parenthood

On this date my life changed forever......

Let me begin on November 19, 2000, in Minneapolis, MN. I was in the middle of getting my Master's from the St. Mary's University. Our classes met one weekend a month for two years. My class was preparing for our final project in March. It was a balmy Sunday afternoon, by MN standards, when I started gasping for breath, felt like I was going to throw up, and was pulling at the neck of my shirt. I was having my first panic attack. No idea why, but it happened. When I got home, I dialed my SIL, Denise, immediately. I told her that I thought my baby was born today. She asked why and I told her about the attack. Her reply, "Mark the day on the calendar and when your referral comes through, if her birthday is on this date, why bother having her photos checked out by the U of MN, we will know she is ours."

My reply, "We need to remember that Calcutta is 12 1/2 hours ahead of us so if the date comes through as November 20, it means the same thing." End of conversation.

Just a little 2 1/2 months later, I had just walked in from dismissing my students to their buses. It was raining cats and dogs with the forcast for the temps to go way below freezing..... There is a phone call for me in the office. It is my agency telling me that they have a referral for me. I told them the fax number and started waiting by the fax machine. It didn't long for the machine to start buzzing.... The first two lines, Name: Kiran Age: 20-11-2000. I started shaking, my body went numb, tears streaming down my face and I almost passed out. I knew she was mine before I even saw the 1X1 picture at the bottom of the page. I rushed to the phone, called Tammy from my agency back and told her that she was mine. Send me the official papers...... Back to my classroom to call my SIL and cousin, who is like my sister. My cousin, Kim, was so excited for me. My SIL was NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!! I left work with a permanent smile on my face. I decide to stop at Target and celebrate by buying perfect little child her first present from her MOMMY!!! (By the time she came home, the outfit was way to small. I still have it saved in her first year box, maybe her little girl will wear it someday.)

My SIL finally calls back, the roads are getting slippery, but I decide that I need to show her the information on her new niece. I drive the 8 miles, it takes more then 30 minutes, twice as long as usual. I walk in their house, show them the info. This is Lilianna Marlene... my brother stops me and says you cannot change this child's name. She deserves her given name. It makes sense, I like the name but don't change my mind at that time.

I drive home, 45 minutes this round, get to my driveway, cannot get up the little slope. Get some ice melt, put it on the driveway, go and get my car. On the way down the driveway, I slip and fall and slide right across the street on my bottom. Finally get in the house, look up the meaning of Kiran, in Hindi it means ray of light or sunlight. Cannot change, she becomes Kiran Marlene.

This was just the beginning of a life long love story, the child is mine and I am so at peace. It takes other 8 1/2 months before my little angel comes home, but this day started it all.......

Happy photo Sunday all........

Love,

Mary and Kiran

I do believe that I am 17 or 18 in this photo. Standing next to me is my best bubby, Rita. We have had many good times together. We were getting ready to go and party with two of our friends.

The house in the background is the one I grew up in. It is a small three bedroom rambler with one, mind you one bathroom. My parents raised four kids in that house and I look at the homes we all have today and wonder how we all survived. Eventually they put a bathroom and shower down in the basement but life was still crappped.

My dad and his wife still live in that house today. It seems even smaller when you put just one extra family in there.

In Hoyt Lakes, most of the houses were like this one. The mine owned all the land and they built the houses. There were only 6 different flan plans to chose from and the big houses, with the upstairs, went to the administration. For many years, only people who worked in the mine where allowed to buy houses in town. Once they opened it up to everyone, my parents purchased this home. They moved in 1963.

Have a great day all!!

Tagged!
By Alan that little shit!!!

Four jobs I've had:
1. My first job was working at the local pizza joint in Hoyt Lakes when I turned 16.
2. I worked as an usher at the Houston Astrodome, I met OJ and the wife, Joe Montana and many sports figures.
3. I still work a parttime job at a lawn, garden and pet supply store. If you have an animal, we can feed it even if it is a moose or zebra!!!
4. Of course, teaching in the inner city of Houston and Minneapolis.

Four places I've lived:
1. Hoyt Lakes, MN from birth to 19.
2. Duluth, MN That is where I went to college. The most beautiful town I lived in!! It looks over Lake Superior.
3. Houston, TX For three years while I taught for HISD. The most polluted city that I lived in .
4. My current address finds us in Apple Valley, MN.

Movies I'd watch again: (and again and again)
1. Toy Story By: Disney (it is my favorite).
2. Miracle, About the USA Hockey Team and Herb Brooks, who died about 3 months before the movie was released. I remember that day that they beat the Russian. Half the team was from MN.
3. Bride and Prejudice, an Indian film, I learned some of the culture in India through this movie.
4. Love Story



TV shows I love to watch:1.)
1. The Daily Show. I truly wished that Jon Stewart lived next door to me!! I won't kick him out of bed for eating crackers, much less anything else.
2. MN Twins Baseball
3. Larry King Live
4. Full House, It is Kiran's favorite show. Lord help me!!!

Four favorite foods:
1. Pizza
2. My Grandma's Mock Chicken Legs, she still fries them in lard, but damn they taste good!
3. My brother's filet mignon stuffed with his famous blue cheese sauce.
4. Wild Rice soup.

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Italy, I just loved it there.....
2. Lake Vermilion or Colorado, I love both of these places, equally.
3. Washington D.C. I just love the rat race.
4. Slovenia, it is where 4 of my great grandparents where born and would love to see it and visit some long lost cousins.

Four Bloggers I'd like to tag:
1. Blogzie
2. Sttropezbutler
3. Inger
4. Heidi

I would add five "Five Weird Things About Me":
1. I love the soap's. When I am home during the day they are on.
2. My first major in college was political science, but they didn't make enough money, so I became a teacher. HAHAHAHA!!!!
3. I flew off to Rome without ever meeting the people, except for the internet, I was staying with especially seeing I was traveling with my three old.
4. I like my Sister-in-law Denise better then my brother......... (Ok, I do like him but..)
5. It took my 41 years to tell a man, other then family members, that I loved him......
OK, they are not as exciting as Blogzie but my little life is rather BORING!!!!

Hope you enjoyed the life of a regular Minnesotan......

Mary

This was a picture that a friend took the first night Gil and I met. She had it made into Christmas cards as a joke. Believe me, everyone that knows me is so damn excited for me. How much do you think I had to drink that night, one or five beers mixed in with two martinis??????

Gil is a very nice guy!! We see each other about once a week but daily, usually at least twice, we talk on the phone. He calls me every morning at 7:30 and I have come to look forward to those calls. What a great way to start my day out. It is basketball season and seeing he is an assistant coach, he is busy with that. His daughter is 8 and wants her mom and dad to get back together, like every 8 year old from a broken home. Gil does assure me that will never happen. He has met Kiran, only because he came to two of my brother's games and she was there with my SIL. Kiran was so cold to both of us the first game but on Saturday seemed a little more comfortable. I know it will take time with the girls and hopefully all will go well. We have talked about Kiran and I meeting his daughter. It makes me nervous to take that step but it has to be done at some point if we are to be together.

Did I mention that on two occasions he met Kiran, he also met my three brothers and dad?? Talk about stressful for me, I haven't brought anyone home since college. My dad liked him enough to invite him to our family Christmas but he had to decline because his team was playing that weekend. I was happy for that because I wasn't ready to take him home, not at that point.

After talking some the first week, we both realized that I worked with his mother for 5 years. What a small world!! She is a very kind, wonderful woman. I do believe that Gil takes after her. We just have so much in common, it is a little scary.

I haven't found anything that I don't like about him, yet.... He loves the fact that I can watch a football, basketball, or baseball game and he doesn't have to explain anything to me. One conversation went like this, if my team was playing your brother's and we were married, who would you stick up for. The answer, which I thought was a good one, I will yell for both teams!!! To tell you the truth he didn't like it but I told him old habits are hard to break and soon my nephew would be playing for his dad so my nephew wins.... He still insists that the moment he saw me he knew that we were going to be together forever. Time will tell....

At this point, I can truly say I am completely taken by him. I will even throw out the love word. We have great time when we are together and I have to say, some activities are better then others! The first week of January, he even took a day off to spend with me. It was so wonderful. No man has ever done that in my 41 years.

The one thing that troubles me is that it is so hard to find time to spend together without both of us having to make arrangements so far a head of time. We both understand but darn it, I wish we could be together 3 or 4 nights a week but in time, if it is meant to be, it will happen. He does want more kids but only if it works out. At this point, he knows I wouldn't want to birth one but would look into adopting again.

I will keep everyone updated, I am still pinching myself.

My parents wedding photo. These are the six most important people who shaped me to me. My mom's parents, Frank and Vida, who you met a few weeks ago. My dad's parents are Ellen and Lawrence. I loved Grandma Ellen, she was the kindest, woman I never knew. She wanted everyone in her family just to be happy. She died about 2 1/2 months before Kiran came home. It wasn't less then a week before her death that she told someone, she was ready to die because she knew all of her grandchildren were finally happy, Mary was finally happy and she will never be alone again. Lawrence, on the other hand, the memories aren't the greatest, he loved his daughters and their families, but seemed to hate my dad and all of us. After all, my dad was just a teacher making $3,000 and he couldn't understand how they could have children. Not to mention, we were the grandchildren who saw them ever week, who went fishing with them, and were just there. He was an alcoholic until the last 15 years of his life. My mom grew to love him, I, however, never really did and I live with that guilt. Grandma loved us and we knew thatbut it was painful to hear that Matt is nothing because he doesn't make all the money the son-in-laws did. He was in fact the only Republican that was a blood relative.

My parents didn't have the perfect marriage but they survived over 40 years together. In the end, I remember being in the car with them and they were holding hands in the front seat. I almost threw up, your parents aren't suppose to act that way after 34 years of marriage and 10 years of dating. Looking back, I am so happy that I saw the love they shared after all the children left home. It was heartwarming.

Have a great week all, life is looking up!!!!

I hate to admit this, but I think I may be in love........

I am so tired of playing the politics at work. It is making a new profession look better and better. The kids are fine it is the adults and powers that be that are this a difficult position. Our school, in the eyes of the state of MN and the Federal Government, isn't making adequate yearly progress. This means more staff development then I received in college. Some of it has been worth while but lately it all just sticks. Then it also means more damn paperwork so planning time for your classroom has to be done at home. Time taken away from our families. PLEASE PLEASE let them leave NCLB!!!!! Who in the hell ever tried to leave a child behind????

My principal has been placed on a medical leave of absences for the rest of the year. No one is saying what is wrong or even where he is. It leads one to suspect perhaps he is in treatment, which would be a good place for him. Even though I have been praying that he would get transferred, I never wanted anything like this to happen. We met our new principal yesterday and it was interesting to see those teachers who sucked up to the last guy start sucking up to the woman. One wonders what changes their will be once she makes it through the ton of paperwork sitting on Kevin's desk.

Today I received a Parents' Guide to Kindergarten for Kiran. It makes me sad to think my little chick is going into the big bad world next year. Then I get excited to watch her grow and learn. She gets so excited about preschool. I only hope the love for school lasts a lifetime.

On a positive note, I love high school basketball. My brother is a head coach for a private high school and has ran a fairly successful program for the last ten years. His team, the Cadets, were ranked 8 in the state yesterday. They played the number 1 team in the state and beat them.... It was fun to watch!!!

Enough of the ramblings....

Photo Sunday, I didn't forget. I have been having a hell of time getting this thing posted....

This is the first of 8 weddings I have been a member of the wedding party. What is the saying, always a bridesmaid never a bride. I was four and it was the first time I actually went to a beauty shop to have my hair done. I am the blondie with the "big hair". My cousin was the other flower girl. We are about 20 days a part in age and fought like sisters growing up. Today we are like sisters and the closest of friends. We still fight like sisters, especially over politics but we have come to an agreement that we cannot bring up the subject when we are together. The two boys on the ends are my two older brothers.

This was my aunt's first marriage. It ended in a divorce. To put it kindly, my aunt can be a
b-----. Her second husband is kind and wonderful. One wonders how some can find the mate of the dreams and others, like me, struggle to.

Sorry about the quality but the photo was my grandma's favorite and has been faded by the sun. The couple in back of us are my dad's parents. I always thought they looked so much older then my other grandparents and they were the same age.

Have a great week all. I am back to school tomorrow. JOY JOY!!!!!

Yesterday afternoon, I had a meeting with a financial counselor. The news is not what I wanted to hear but thought I might. With my credit card debt and the fact that I have overextended the value of my house, she told me the only way she sees my getting out of the situation is selling my house. At the moment, my house is more of a liability then an asset to me at this time. That means either trying to find a townhouse to rent or going into an apartment. It just makes me want to kick myself that all these years I have made poor decisions with finances and then being a single parent has put me over the edge. I sat in her office and just cried and cried. She was wonderful and told me to start self talking that it is ok and to let the past go and focus on the future. Why did it take me 41 years to figure this all out.

I know that Kiran and I will land on our feet and in six months life will be ok. She will hopefully learn mommy's lesson when she is older, but damn I am so embarrassed by the entire situation. Now I have to tell my family we will be moving into a rental unit somewhere and have to deal with their reactions. Tara, the counselor, asked me what the hardest part of this will be and I told her facing my brothers. She proceed to say it is none of their damn business why I am selling and not re-buying. Thank God she was wonderful and understanding. I have told my three closest friends and only cried when I told one today. Now I am sitting here in tears but it is part of the process.

Yes, we will miss our house but it is starting to fall apart anyway. It must still be the shock of it all. I must remember that I have wonderful friends, family and most of all Kiran.

Sorry for rambling.....

Well, 2006 has arrived, and it is looking like a fine year already. We spent New Year's Eve up on a small town in Northern MN with my dad and brothers' families. We had a wonderful time celebrating the end of 2005 and the beginning of 2006. It is always so much fun see Kiran hanging with all her cousins. Here is the gang of children we were with. They range from 15 to 4 months. Can you all spy Kiran???

I am off of school for another week and am looking forward to just resting, cleaning, and enjoying my time away from the students and the politics of my building. Maybe, I will even some extra for dating. The one thing that is difficult is arranging time to be together. Between our two daughters, his coaching, the holidays, and just life we don't seem to have many moments to be together. Hopefully with the holidays past us and things getting back to normal, I will see him more. We are talking at least twice daily and getting to know each other so that is a positive thing. If I didn't know better, I might think I was falling in l---.

It is freezing rain here in the big city of Minneapolis so we might just actually stay in our house and not leave it all day.....

Time for a good book, turning the fireplace on, and maybe even cooking a healthy meal.

Mary