single parenthood

It was a Wednesday, no different from any other day. I went to my school to ick up my materials for teaching fourth grade, then went out for lunch with my SIL and her mother. After lunch, it was time to go to the part time job, my cousin (who is one of my best friends is my boss), to help with inventory.

I talked to my mom around 9 that morning. We discussed the fact she was checking into the hospital in Duluth to have her foot amputated. She sounded fine, I told her I would see her in the morning and that I loved her. It was the last time I ever talked to her.

Shortly after I arrived at my part time job, a call came in from my SIL saying I needed to get to Duluth ASAP. Duluth is a 2 1/2 hour drive from MPLS. I asked why, and she said something happened when my mom was checking into the hospital and they are calling the family. She told me to go home and that she would call when Mike was ready to leave so we could drive up together.......

At this point in time, I was living with my friend Karin and her daughter. Karin for some reason that day took the day off. All I can say is God works in mysterious ways. I arrived home, not knowing if I should pack, just leave for Duluth or what. As I walked into my bedroom, I saw I had several messages on my answering machine. There were 3 hang ups. I finally decided to call St. Mary's up in Duluth to find out what was going on. The first person I talked to did not have my mom listed as a patient. Finally, she asked me to hold on. She had connected me to emergency and they put my dad on the line. When I asked him what was going on he told me the worst possible thing happened.......Of course I had to ask what and he told me that we lost her about 20 minutes ago. My mom passed away at 2:15 pm on this date. At this point I tried calling my SIL at work and they put her boss on who told me that Denise knew and was on her way home. He tried so hard to comfort me but that was impossible.

Karin, the wonderful, kind person she was, threw a bunch of clothes in a suitcase for me and we waited together for my SIL, brother, and niece to pick me up to drive north. Not to mention she called my closets friends to tell them what had happened.

I remember that entire day like it was yesterday. When I got into the back seat of the car, my niece Laura, who was 2 at the time, looked at me and said, "Your mom just died."

We took the 3 1/2 ride in total silence after that. The only noise that could be heard was sobbing everytime we took a turn to signal we were one step closer to being home.

All the way up north, I kept thinking this cannot be true. How can I lose my mom before I lost a grandparent? I was 29 years old, this wasn't suppose to happen until I was much older.....Life can be so cruel sometimes!!!!

The vision I can see is turning down our street, in Hoyt Lakes, and seeing all the cars parked in front of our house. It was at that time, I really understood what was happening. My aunts, grandparents, cousins, and friends were all there to greet us with their tears, words of condolence, and all the food you could ever imagine. The only thing missing was MY MOM!!!!

At that point, I didn't think I would live through it. She was my best friend, the woman who taught me how to love, to parent, and reach for my dreams.

Thank you mom for everything you taught me, for the morals you gave me, and the unconditional love that was present always. If I am half the mom you were, Kiran is in good shape.

Kiran would have loved her and she would have loved Kiran. My only regrent is she went to her grave thinking I didn't want children. If she could tell me now what she thinks!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!